Don’t Try to Make Someone Else Your Everything…
As sensitives living in a world that often feels harsh and unkind, we need connections with others who understand and accept us.
When we find that one person, a great friend or lover who listens deeply, who honors our way of being, it feels amazing.
Finally, someone who gets me!
There’s a hidden danger here though, because I’ve observed many sensitive people latch on to that relationship like a life preserver.
Always wanting to be together, texting constantly, invitations to hang out all the time.
Then taking it personal when someone gets busy or is tired or has previous commitments they need to honor. We make up a story in our head like why they don’t want to be with us, something must be wrong with me. Or look how insensitive they are!
The fact is, we really can’t know what’s actually happening inside someone else’s life so taking it personally without facts can actually ruin what could have been a great relationship.
Maybe we needed to pause and reflect first rather than react.
It’s natural to want to connect deeply when you’ve finally found your tribe. Especially if you’ve never had a relationship with anyone else who’s sensitive.
Consider: are you trying to make that person your everything?
Counting on them to always talk you down from your emotional intensity?
Expecting them to provide you with a caring respite from the world?
Energetically, they feel the weight of your expectations and it’s super uncomfortable. As another sensitive, they want to be there for you, but this type of relationship can quickly slide into codependency. Desperate attention seeking meets the rescuer or fixer.
Not a healthy expression for either.
When we first begin to explore our sensitivities, we might believe only another sensitive will understand us. Maybe I should only be with ‘my kind.’
It’s a really limiting idea.
Sensitivity is only one dimension of who we are. I have friendships with amazing people who do not identify as highly sensitive. Every person brings forward unique qualities and strengths.
It’s important to cultivate a circle of diverse and varied connections.
With some, you’ll connect often, be a regular part of each other’s lives.
Others you’ll only see occasionally, but quickly pick up where you left off. No hurt feelings that you’re not the center of each other’s worlds, just gratitude for the time spent.
One of your friends might share your love of the arts or animals or hiking in nature or reading and this is how you connect. One may be your work buddy, sharing and supporting each other with career challenges and aspirations.
You may trust others to have soul-level conversations when one of you is standing on the edge of the next step in your personal journey.
Don’t forget your most important relationship, the one with yourself. You should be investing most of your time here, as your own life-long companion.
One person can never be your everything, nor should they. What happens when we try to make someone our everything is they begin to withdraw. You cling tighter, they run away faster.
It becomes a vicious cycle.
Until the relationship’s in shreds along with your heart. You close down, not wanting to be hurt again when actually it might be time to reflect.
Was I clinging too tightly? (Which is a very different question than I am too much? One is an outward behavior we can change, the other is your incredible way of being.)
No, you are never too much.
Do I have multiple, reciprocal relationships? If not, what’s holding me back from connecting with a diverse group of people?
Am I being understanding, especially to other sensitives, about how much time and energy they can actually give? Consider someone else’s family, work, health and personal commitments. Plus scheduling the downtime sensitives absolutely need to recharge.
What’s the state of my relationship with myself?
Am I comfortable spending time alone? Listening to my own inner thoughts, working on my own stuff without having to always rely on others to help me through it?
Please understand, what I’m describing here is a healthy balance. I’m not suggesting you tough it out, suck it up or deal with everything on your own.
We all need to ask for help sometimes.
However, it’s important to be conscious of when we’re wearing out our welcome, when our expectation of an all-encompassing friendship or romance is draining to another.
When it’s time to take responsibility for your own happiness and well-being. Truth is, you’re always responsible for your own happiness and well-being.
I have great news, there is someone who can be your everything.
That person is You.
I invite you to explore who you really are through the Perceptive Archetypes, powerful metaphors for our experiences as intuitive and empathic beings.
Are you an Aligner, Synchronizer, Foreshadower, Seed Sower, or a Bringer Into Form? Perhaps another archetype is a closer match…
Click here to Reveal Your Perceptive Archetypes…
